"The only constant in life is change." - Heraclitus
Have you ever felt the overwhelming need for things to be different than they are? It's a peculiar feeling that can seem to come from nowhere, slowly creeping in until it gnaws at you – then you're forced not to simply acknowledge it, but to do something about it.
Trying to figure out what to do can feel uncomfortable and daunting. It's enough to make you crawl under a desk and hide with no plans of coming out for the foreseeable future.
I've felt this feeling before; it's familiar to me now. You can say that we're old friends – or mortal enemies, depending on the day. And, for the past few months, or perhaps longer, it has grown from that passive lull in the wind to a persistent hammering on my door. It has forced me to pay attention. So, what am I doing about it, and what have I learned thus far?
First, I threw myself several pity parties. After I had sufficiently wallowed in the sadness of my own making, I acknowledged that the only way to rid myself of this feeling of stagnancy was to take action. What action you might ask? I hired a life coach.
Every athlete has a coach for a reason. They see your blind spots, they can look at what you're doing or thinking and find out what's causing you to trip up. What's more, a good coach will give you the tools to fix it on your own. I have completed one of three sessions, and already I'm feeling lighter...less burdened.
What needed to change for me was the pressure I was putting on myself. It may sound simple, but that's because, in large part, it is. Of course, there are layers to this, but in my journey as a creative, I have, in recent times, put far too much energy into achieving rather than enjoying the thing that I love most – creating. All of that being over-critical, over-analytical, and constantly over-thinking is like oil in the wellspring of creativity – it doesn't mix.
So, I've embarked on a journey of rediscovering the joys of my craft, without any attachment to, or focus on the outcomes of my creative expression. I have simply committed to the act of creating.
I've also committed to intentionally creating a space, a schedule, and a life that I love. To not waiting for things to be exactly as I think they should be, but to embrace my role in this creation process. However big or small, I am doing more to put myself in a space of joy. Whether that's a new hobby that I've always wanted to try (horse riding), or playing my guitar just because, or decorating and organizing my apartment like I would the home of my dreams, or going for walks with my husband, or phone calls with my mom, my sister, and those that I love.
What I have realized, more so now in my thirties than I did in my twenties, is that life is precious and it is meant to be savored. We are all painters on our own canvas and so we must paint, not to become Picasso or Michael Angelo, though we may very well become that in our own right, but because it is why we were put here on this planet. To pour out our gifts every day, to be devoted to releasing our own joy in the world with the full knowledge that this kind of freedom is bound to help others whether seen or unseen in the process.
I am not negating discipline, focus, or the sheer grit it takes to master something. What I am saying, is that sometimes we get stuck, our path becomes hazy and our joy becomes dim. When that happens, fighting against is like struggling in quicksand. The more we thrash, the deeper we sink. In contrast when we surrender, when we become lighter. That is when we are able to pull ourselves out.
If any of this strikes a chord with you, I urge you first to take three deep breaths and know that everything will be okay. Second, consider getting a life coach, or a therapist – or both. If that's not possible here are a few resources I've found helpful.
Books
What I Know for Sure - Oprah Winfrey
Waking Up to Joy - Agapi Stassinopoulos
How to Do You - Jacqueline Hurst
Worthy - Jamie Kern Lima
Evergreen - Lydia Millen
"If you spend your time chasing butterflies, they'll fly away. But, if you spend your time making a beautiful garden, the butterflies will come to you." - Library Mindset
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